Pool's Closed

**ultrapostman** · Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 1:46 am AIDS subject: Christmas gift

I'm a man who likes to get his shooping out of the way nice and early.

There's one guy I know in school who is basically a stereotypical nerd: virtually no self confidence, terrified of breaking the law, and he's sexually insecure (he once crawled under a trampoline to avoid girls showing him their titties). Despite this, we're friends, but I still get a kick out of the occasional trolling. Last Christmas I outdid myself when I barged into his English class and handed him a wrapped SEXY TIEM novel. The look on his face when he opened it was priceless: as if I had just handed him the severed head of his own mother.

Naturally I now have a reputation to live up to when Christmas rolls around, but I've hit a wall. It's my senior year, and probably the last year I'll ever see this guy: so I have to scar him for life. So far I've considered a few things: something simple like a box of condoms or a dildo, but also something much more elaborate: buying a new movie, steaming open the packaging, replacing the disc with a blank (probably filled with scat) I've printed to look like the real thing, and then resealing the package.

I'd prefer to be able to admit to any prank, but in the case I chose to become anonymous, then I could go a bit farther, such as hiring a stripper or paying some freshman whore to flash him.

Money isn't an issue (people would definitely float me a loan for something good and lulzy), but I just can't come up with anything really good. I mean something that people will remember for years to come. Ideas?
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**Captain Planet** · Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 2:04 am AIDS subject: Re: Christmas gift

Go with the Dildo idea, but NOT a normal dildo.

No, you need an epic dildo. One that will make everyone you know say WHAT THE FLYING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?

Give him, the Dildo of a Dog cock
http://www.purejoysextoys.co.uk/proddetail.php?prod=w11028011

Or, if your a little more daring. A horse cock
http://www.purejoysextoys.co.uk/proddetail.php?prod=w11005011
And be sure to include PLENTY of buttseckz lube, and latex gloves.

I can come up with some other ideas, but this would be the first thing I would go for.
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**Joey Bishop** · Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 2:20 am AIDS subject:

Yea, I was thinking dildo is the way to go as well.

Here's some alternitives:

1. A dildo that he wouldn't realize is a dildo. One of those fancy dancy things that looks more like a massager.

2. DONGCOPTER

3. http://www.cheerfulatheist.com/SexToyReviews/

Bam indeed. *edit fixed image link*
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**White Ranger** · Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 7:08 am AIDS subject:

I'd suggest, the THOR.
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SIXTY NIGGERS

**Joran van der Sloot** · Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 9:58 am AIDS subject:

A blow up doll.

**xBLOODYxEMOxVAMPIRExTEARS** · Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 4:19 pm AIDS subject:

**Secks** · Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 8:21 pm AIDS subject:

buttseckz beads or an Area 51 blow up doll

**OBEY! Jesus** · Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 2:44 am AIDS subject:

**ReiClone88** · Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 3:26 am AIDS subject:

Sold at all Spencer's I've been to, and produced by Topco.

The blow-up doll inside looks nothing like the illustration, let alone a long-haired Asian. But it sure was fun to throw in a neighbor's personal pool despite getting caught by one of their sons and some Niglet friends they had over.

Personally I'm thinking the Horsecock Dildo would be nigra awesome

, but this is another option.
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**ultrapostman** · Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 3:26 am AIDS subject:

Horse cock is definitely an option, but what about a fleshlight? I've seen a few models, including one disguised as a beer can. Would the surprise be worth the decreased shock value, or do you think it would be even more shocking?

Actually, there's a possibility that he doesn't even know what a fleshlight is. Would it be more or less lulzy if everyone else in class knew what it was and he didn't?
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**Captain Planet** · Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 4:09 am AIDS subject:

While a fleshlight would be funny. I think a dildo would be even worse.

A fleshlight would be something that everyone says he could use and not be considered gay, creepy and sad, but not gay.

If he was given a horsecock, then you can call him gay all you want.
And its more demeaning when you beat him with it afterwards.
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**Afroduck** · Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 5:22 am AIDS subject:

Horse dildo, buttseckz lube and the business card for a BDSM club (or something along those lines).
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**OBEY! Jesus** · Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 6:40 pm AIDS subject:

**Captain Planet** · Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 7:37 pm AIDS subject: